The sweet torture of the Query’s process (Told with Humor, I Promise)

Okay, so I’m going to sound a little spicy, but querying is spicy. Hear me out. I’m just telling the truth—with a little edge and a lot of love. All writers who choose to go the traditional route of publishing must first face the sweet torture of querying, finding a literary agent to represent them. It’s not the only path, of course. If you plan to self-publish, you can skip the middleman. But if you're aiming for the big leagues, you need a sidekick. Someone who’ll read your manuscript, tell you what needs fixing, and eventually send it off into the yonder like a messenger in a tailored suit.

Most major publishers don’t want submissions from just any writer off the street. Who has time for that? That’s what agents are for. They’re the gatekeepers, the first line of defense. Publishers depend on these soldiers to know the market, because let’s not forget, the book industry is still a business.

If you’re diving in heart-first with no backbone for the brutal truth of sales, brace yourself. You’ll break under pressure. Stick to journaling or sketchpads, zero stakes, maximum peace.

I came into this industry fully aware that life isn’t made of sunshine and applause. I’m a native New Yorker, I can handle thunder. But I’d be lying if I said this process isn’t long and annoying. It’s like applying for a job: customize the cover letter, fill out the form, hit send, then rinse and repeat with someone else.

But this is part of the deal. All authors get rejected, even the greats. Don’t believe me? Look it up. I don’t understand why some crumble under rejection. Like, are you writing fiction, or living it? I live in the real world. No one handed me a path, I built it. Because that’s life.

Querying from behind a screen can feel stale. Picking an agent is a two-way street. You need to vibe with them, believe in the same fire. But how do you know that from a cold email and a form? I wish there were more face-to-face in this game. More eye-to-eye. A million things can impact how someone reads a manuscript, their mood, their inbox, their lunch...etc. But when you meet someone in person, and you both know you can work together, and then add a good story on top of that? That’s fire. That’s momentum. That’s how you bulldoze toward business. Everyone wins.

If it were up to me, I’d play “Come and Talk to Me” by Jodeci and dance straight into their office. Would I actually do this in real life? Absolutely. I was an entertainer for years, first impressions I can do. And nothing breaks the ice like showing up with some flavor and a little humor. Set the tone. See if they’ve got the vibe to match mine. If they do? Boom—let’s do this.